I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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