fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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