So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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