TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
