Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
