her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
