It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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