why didn't you poke me back
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
