neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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