The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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