If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
