Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
