no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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