Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
