Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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