There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
