If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
