Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
