I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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