I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
