I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
