seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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