ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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