Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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