I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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