I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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