Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
