i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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