it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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