If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
