Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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