I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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