You really coming over, don't trick.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
