you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
