If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
