I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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