pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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