I wish i was in the wii world.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
