When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think people are normalizing furries
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
