there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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