sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
