Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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