new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
