I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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