He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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