oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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