He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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