I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
