My pussy is not your playground.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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