Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
