even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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