True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
