I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i dont even know how to be here
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
