i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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