would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
