It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
