I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am full of burrito and curiosity
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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