All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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