Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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