Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
