Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
