dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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