I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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