I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
