not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
