Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
