did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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