she was so not down for the gang bang
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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