The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
