it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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