Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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