When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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